For a long moment, all I could do was stare. I stared at the computer screen for so long that my eyes crossed. Things have been blown way out of proportion, and it only seemed to be getting worse. This has been happening a lot lately, but I’ve always managed to ignore it up to this point. I didn’t know what to do, assuming that there was something I could actually do. Catching me off guard, a lone tear slid down my cheek just as I heard someone at the front door. He’s back, I thought. I swiped the tear away quickly and shut the computer off.
“Hey, babe,” Louis greeted me with a kiss. I returned the favour and asked him what he wanted for dinner. Now wasn’t the time to discuss what I had just learned, but I suppose there was something in my tone that gave me away. “Have you been crying?” he asked. Before I could stop myself, I burst into tears. Louis was obviously shocked, but he knew enough not to question it at a time like this. He simply held me as we sat on the couch and waited for when I was ready to talk about it.
What do I say, though? I was already cursing myself for breaking down like this in front of him. In all the time that we’ve been together, I’ve never confided in Louis about getting hate from the fans. I knew how much they meant to him, and I knew they didn’t mean real harm. I was in their position once, so I completely understoond where they were coming from.
But saying that I was merely a cover-up for Louis’ “real relationship” with Harry was a bit too much.
“Do you want to talk about it, love?” Louis asked me when I’d calmed down a little. I didn’t know what to say. This was all still too new for me. After a few deep breaths, though, I managed to relate what I’d seen online to him. I told him that they said I was hired by management on a contract to be with him as a cover-up. I told him about all the blog posts, and how they even had “proof” that I was a fake.
Louis didn’t say anything at first. Who could blame him? I was just as shocked when I first saw everything. After a few moments, he came to. Taking my hands in his, he said, almost desperately, “You do know that I love you, don’t you? You do know how much I care for you, right?” I smiled sadly at him, feeling my eyes well up once more. “I do, Lou,” I replied wistfully. Then, with a cruel realisation, I knew what I had to do. Needed to do. “But I can’t put you through this anymore.” The moment those words escaped me, I knew there was nothing I wanted more than to take them back.
What would come next would be inevitable, though. There was nothing that could’ve stopped me, no matter how much I wanted to be with the one man I truly loved. I had to end it. I couldn’t put Louis through this over and over again. This rattled him badly enough. I didn’t want to see him get hurt again because of me. I’ve done enough of that since day one.
“I love you, Lou,” I whispered through tears, “and I love you enough to let you go.”
The emptiness that followed was punctuated by the sound of tears and of Louis trying to persuade me to stay. “But it doesn’t have to be like this,” he said. “We could fix this. We could find a way to make things better. We could call for an interview, anything. It doesn’t have to end this way.” But each time he would try to make me stay, I simply shook my head and said, “No, baby. Things won’t get any better for us as long as we’re together. Things won’t get any better for you. I’m doing this for you, babe. I can’t stand seeing you get hurt by the rumours anymore. Your fans are everything to you and-“
“You’re everything to me!” he interrupted, “You’re everything to me, El… Do you have any idea what you mean to me? I love you, El. I’d do anything for you, I’ve sacrificed so much to make us work, and I’m willing to do more! Please, El, please don’t leave me. Just give us a chance, I’ll show you!”
But I had to stand my ground. I took his hands firmly in mine, and looked straight into his eyes; those beautiful eyes that I would never be able to look at that way ever again. “Believe me when I say I love you Lou,” I began, “I love you with all my heart, and a part of me always will. But you’re done making sacrifices that would go to no avail. I’m grateful for all the things you’ve showed me and all the wonderful memories we made. I’ll take those memories with me wherever I go. You’re special, do you know that? You will always be special to me. The things we went through together made me the person I am today. You helped me become a stronger, better person, Lou. And I will always thank you for that.” I swallowed before continuing, because I knew the hardest part was yet to come. Choosing my words carefully, I went on, “But nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we want them to. There’s an end to everything, and it breaks my heart to have to see the end of this; the end of us. Please understand that I’m only thinking of you. I don’t want to see you get hurt and distracted by all the unnecessary drama I cause. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, so I’m letting you go.” I choked on the last few words as I saw more tears stream down Louis’ face. I reached out to wipe them away.
“You mean the world to me, Lou,” I managed with a trembling smile, “You always will. But you’ve got to understand, this is for your own good. Someday, you’ll find someone-“
“DON’T!” he yelled, “Don’t even go there!” But I knew he was coming to terms with the fact that there was nothing he could do to change my mind. I had to go.
I stood up from the couch and went to get my things. It didn’t take long because we weren’t living together. The realisation provided a tiny bit of relief, because then it would be easier for both of us to move on.
Just as I was about to walk out the front door for the last time, I turned around to face Louis. The heartbreak in his eyes shattered my own heart. We were both aching, but this was for the best. “I love you, El,” he whispered. I took a step forward and reached out to him. Our lips met in a soft kiss, fueled by affection and longing, but also by understanding. Our last kiss. I’d never imagined we’d end like this. When we broke apart, however, I knew for certain that we would be alright.
“I love you too, Louis,” I said tenderly, “I always will.” With that, I made my way out the door and into the cold evening air.
Louis Tomlinson changed my life in many ways. He filled my days with joy as no one had before, and he was also a wonderful friend. I could trust him with anything, and he would always offer the best advice. He never judged me and never expected anything from me. He loved me for me. I have always loved him with all my heart, never expecting anything in return either. Through the ups and downs, I never once doubted him. I knew he would remain faithful and sincere to me, and he had. Louis Tomlinson is a good man. Breaking up with him was probably the most painful thing I ever had to do, but I do not regret it. I know we would both be thankful for this someday, and we will find happiness in others.
But until then, his name will forever be the name on my lips; just like our last kiss.
A lot of rumours have been going around lately that Eleanor was simply a beard to cover-up for Larry Stylinson. I personally think that’s b.s.. So I wrote an audio reading about it. To those of you who take Larry Stylinson too seriously and hate on Eleanor with a burning rage, I advise you to read the audio reading and think about what you have done/will do before things get really ugly.
If you truly, sincerely, genuinely love the boys, you would stop creating all this drama and focus on the sole purpose of this fandom: supporting them.